A Sad Hard Day

Yesterday was a hard day. I found out a guy I know shot himself. He had suffered from depression for years. His mom is devastated, his sisters are devastated, his ex girlfriend (my good friend) is devastated, his neices are devastated. He was loved but he was in so much pain from the depression he didn't realize how much he was loved. I know a lot of people don't understand those feelings but I do understand them. I understand the pain that can get so bad that the world feels so dark that you just don't know how to make it stop so you choose to get out. I use to feel that way, I use to not care wheather I was alive or dead. Didn't seem to matter to me but with the help of a really good counselor and a really loving husband and family and some very special friends I learned to like, well really love myself and love life. Life became special to me and I have experienced such joy as I watch my kids grow. It took a lot of work for me to come to the place where I value my life, where I am thankful for every day. So I understand what Chris felt, I understand how bad it can get, how dark it can seem. I know a lot of people don't understand that darkness, Jerry my wonderful hubby doesn't. He has never even thought of taking his life or wanting to die. People like that are lucky, people that have never experienced that darkness should fall down on their knees and thank God. I am so glad that I got help before I left my family and friends devastated. My heart goes out to Chris's family, they are wonderful people and I can't even imagine the pain they are going through right now. I look at my kids and I know if I lost even one of them the pain would be so incredible that I don't know if I could even move my body from the very spot I found out about it. Even though I would love the children I had left I would forever grieve the one I lost. Death like this leaves everyone so empty and with so many unanswered questions.